Game Update
Still working on stages and reminding myself how to build squads. Last weeks session we spent time building 35 new entries for the spreadsheet. A lot of the troops are female with area of effect spells which made me wonder if perhaps I should create a troop that can take minimal or no damage from area effect spells. It’s worth considering. I got the idea from the original Ogre Battle with ghosts, skeletons, and wraiths as well as recently spending a limited amount of time playing Unicorn Overlord in which there are rogues that only seem to get hit 1/20 times.
It will take some time to really get in the groove of building levels but this is a good step I think. Testing will be another challenge as it needs to be done organically and I need quicker unit tests for when I finish the stage with troops that are the appropriate level. Then again maybe I can get away with testing the enemies at a lower level and then swapping it back after testing it a bit. At any rate testing needs to be done which means I will need to figure that out as well.
I had a thought that maybe I should try and start a game development club again. I haven’t run one in many years now. Then again it would be short lived over the summer as I shouldn’t be doing that while I have my boys around. I also have my new healthy lifestyle to think about as gym time and run time is also eating up my schedule a bit.
Personal Update
Been going through a lot of spiritual and personal growing pains lately. I thought that I had finally found what I was looking for and that God had blessed my actions. I was seeking Him more than ever in my efforts and it just fell apart. It left my head spinning. Really bad things came out. I learned that I was thought of as a fake person, and that there were many grievances that were hidden from me up until that point. Worst of all when I asked to work on it, I was denied that request. I had to let go again… Alone again. But I suppose no matter what happens in our life we are lucky for any time we have here and there are no guarantees. I flew to close to the sun, again. It interfered with my time to write blog entries, but I was determined to finish this one.
I decided to be the opposite of daunted however, I decided to be… undaunted and so I soldiered on and have left behind the problems of past situations while moving forward. I did look back a few times, but the door was ultimately closed. Even worse I had closed some of the doors purposefully myself because I felt that was the right thing to do. Those chapters should probably have been closed anyway realistically. A verse sticks out to me that I remember during that time. Rev 3:15-16 “I know what you do, that you are not hot or cold. I wish that you were hot or cold! But because you are lukewarm neither hot, nor cold I am ready to spit you out of my mouth.” This struck me in my situation as it forced me to make a choice twice with those that were lukewarm. Never Split the Difference talks about this a bit too. It says, “a bad deal is much worse than no deal at all.” Still I tried as hard as I could.
Darkness crept in and I was tempted to make decisions that might be bad for myself and others. The temptation was seductive to be sure. I resisted by keeping myself busy so as not to think about it much. I thought that I wasn’t enduring spiritual warfare after some of what I had been through, but thinking about it now maybe I was more than I realized.
Light came in and shown for a moment, but now I’m afraid that it to may not be true. I’ve been a bit damaged at this point, and I probably need rest. Still there are those friends, true friends that have held me up. Some came from unlikely places but they are there and I am grateful for them. Probably to those looking at me from the outside they don’t see much pain. I am a fairly good actor after all. It looks like I have it all together and in a lot of ways I do. We are after all just talking about first world social problems here. Still the pain is pretty real, and trust has been broken more often than I would like or expect.
I came up with something this morning that I’m rather proud of. It may need refinement but here it is. I feel that it’s rather poetic.
I allow people into my space and if they want to stay they will show me. If not they will leave. Most are just tourists. Once they ride the rides they’re done. Very few want to stay and work the park with me to make the magic happen.
Tomorrow is another day. Who knows what is out there waiting. Things can happen rather quickly if you are open to taking a chance so who knows what adventure is on the horizon next. I have been blessed to love more in my lifetime than most people I think. I feel very blessed and privileged to be where I am today. I will keep going because I’m not done yet. I have my goals set for this year and for this summer. Let’s make it happen. I will not be overcome by the darkness because greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. I don’t need to trust myself, or believe in myself because I believe in God and He is all I need and luckily no one can take that away from me. He told me perseverance this year, and so I will persevere while being obedient to His voice even when it’s not my will.