Game Update
This week I will be moving back to day shift which will allow me to work on Tuesday. The last 2 weeks my night shift has interfered with my habit of working on Tuesdays. I’ve been putting effort into different places unfortunately. Still planning to build out more random events at some point.
Next month will be fairly busy, and I’m hoping I can start building better habits to work on the game outside of my game development time with my mentor. This year I need to get better about time management and have better habits than I have had in the past. I’m thinking about streaming my game development which should help.
Personal Update
Every time that the boys go away my life swaps modes which is both good and bad. The energy in the house is completely different. I only have a couple more week with them, and I know that next month will be a busy one. My job has been good about working with me on the weekend that I need to travel. I will also be working MomoCON again this year which was a great experience last year.
Yesterday I ran a local 5k and I was reminded what it was like to have an extremely competitive spirit in something. I used to be this way when I was playing games competitively. It didn’t matter if it was a competitive card game, video game, or board game. I invested a lot of who I was as a person into winning, sometimes at all costs. Things have changed for me now. I look at competitive games as a way to be social with other people. I win by exchanging social energy with my opponent, not by defeating them. I suppose I still enjoy winning though.
Recently I had the chance to experience someone who is more competitive than I have ever been, to the point of becoming distraught when they didn’t do as well as they wanted to. I find the quality to be admirable. To be so focused on something, and want to be the best it means that the person has to give up some things.
I guess I could say the same of a lot of the work that I did to get the game where it is now. I’m proud of how it turned out, but there was a lot of time and money spent to get it to where it is now. Who knows if it will ever make it’s value back or not. The experience I gained by working on it was very valuable.
Whenever there is a contest, most everyone goes in with the same belief. That’s the belief that they will be the number one winner. This Skinner box idea holds us captive to keep rolling the dice, pulling the lever, and generally trying our luck. We may lose a thousand times, but the taste of victory that one time is what we search for. As long as that possibility exists we will run headlong after that chance no matter how small. It’s an idea that can be taken to far and become dangerous. The agony of defeat is ever present, but the thrill of victory will always entice.